Welcome to your guide to Pakistani wedding traditions. You may have been invited to a wedding, you may even be Pakistani and not know hat goes on or you simply may be inspired by the colourful celebrations.
Much of the Pakistani wedding tradition stems from Indian traditions, so you may find some similarities. But this post largely focusses on the Muslim Pakistani wedding, though you will find a crossover between Muslims, Sikh and Hindu weddings.
Are you getting married soon or going to a wedding. Check out the following posts we have put together for you:
- 10 Asian Female Wedding Dresses Websites: Wedding Dresses
- 10 Asian Male Sherwani Websites: Sherwani Websites
- 15 Asian Male Sherwani Styles: Sherwani Styles
Traditions, Customs and Rituals
Most Pakistani weddings span over five days, I’ve been to over 50 and regardless of how ‘British’ the couple are, there is always a hint of Pakistani wedding traditions within, some nobody even knows why we do!
In this guide you’ll see a typical Pakistani Muslim wedding form beginning to end. I’ll also look at the religious aspect of the marriage.
First Meeting
Most marriages, whether they are arranged or where the couple have found each other, begin with the boys family approaching the girls family. After some small talk, the family will present their son and his good traits, including his career ambitions and wallet size. Usually, the girls family will not have the girl present but will ask her to serve tea, so that the family can see her momentarily. The girls family will usually be hesitant in accepting right away, to show that they aren’t giving her up so easily- so there may be more than one meeting.
Once the families are happy both boy and girl are set to be hitched! But there needs to be an official proposal.
Proposal
The boys side will propose on behalf of the son, and also present gifts for the family and mitai. Mitai is a selection of Asian milk sweets. Usually the girls side will accept and this acceptance is known as zabaan. This is a promise that the family will not back out (unless it was something understandable). It was common for people to make promises and then break them at a better bargain.
Engagement Party
Pakistani weddings are known to hold engagement party, which is a formal ceremony to mark the coming together of the two people, in the presence of close family members. The Groom’s family will approach the Bride and ask for her hand in marriage. Rings are now commonly exchanged between the couple. Prayers and blessings will be read and cake will be cut. From this point the wedding day is priority for everyone, dates are pencilled in diaries and everyone prepares!
Bestman/Bridesmaid
Pakistani wedding traditions mean there needs to be a best man and a bridesmaid. The family will choose the Bestman/Bridesmaid, they tend to be really good family friends and people who’ll assist the bride/groom effectively. The Family normally take sweets along as this a formal tradition.
Nikkah
The first major ceremony that will take place is the Nikkah- this is the signing of a marriage contract between the couple. This should be done in front of two witnesses at minimum but usually the family and close relatives will attend. The groom will also provide a Dowry, this is financial security for the girl; normally ranging from £200 to £5000. It is a small and straight forward function but after the Imam has left, there are various customs carried out:
Munh Dikhai – ‘Munh Dikhai’ is the ceremony of ‘Unveiling the Face’. Once the Nikkah has been performed, the Bride is veiled and made to sit next to the Groom for the first time. The Groom will unveil her (and hopefully fall in love :s). After moments of delight, the Bride and Groom will feed each other mitai (Asian Sweets), and family and friends will congratulate the couple.
Choor – The Grooms family will hand over a Choor (a Scarf) packed with gifts and healthy sweets for the Bride and her family. The Brides family will open up the Choor, empty the gifts then add some of their own gifts & sweets.
Rang – The Bride’s family will also throw paint on the Grooms side to confirm that a wedding will take place. The colour will dye the clothes and when the people return to their homes, it’ll be proof that what just happened, happened.
Dholki
Traditionally many days or weeks before the wedding day, women would gather in the Groom’s house to sing and dance while accompanied by the percussion instrument, the Dholki. Usually it is hosted by different households, each showing their happiness of the marriage. The idea was to build hype before the actual wedding day so everyone was invited.
The Bride’s family did not usually participate or hold such events as extreme happiness in ‘giving away’ their daughter may have given the wrong impression. You can argue that the family should be happy and optimistic but it is difficult for any father to let go of his princess.
Mehndi
About two or three days prior to the wedding day, the Henna Ceremony will take place- where guests apply henna on the Bride. Traditionally the Mehndi function begun with a few friends coming over to the Brides home to apply Mendhi, this developed in to a function for the guy too where oil (tael) was applied to his head. But with the ceremony now held simultaneously for both the Bride and the Groom, the use of the term ‘taeli’ has diminished greatly and referred to as the ‘Mehndi’ ceremony.
This has become one of the main functions now so many people are invited. Its common for the Bride and Groom to look casual on this day though. Close relatives will wear matching sherwanis to go with the theme, which normally revolves around yellows and greens. There is usually a dance-off between the boys and girls but most of the evening is spent with guests applying mendhi and oil to the Bride and Groom. As part of the tradition, the Bride was not required to work in her marital home till the mehndi faded away. Once the Mendhi function comes to an end, female guests are offered mehndi cones & something sweet, normally a bag of sugar (lol).
Scarves – The Bride and Groom will usually walk in separately surrounded by their family, who will carry a scarf over the Bride/Groom. The only purpose is to create an entrance for them as it would be awkward if they walk in all alone.
Doli – Some families will carry the Bride in using the traditional Dholi, this was to treat her like a Princess.
Candles – The family is also led by the girls carrying tea-light candle plates, this is based on the Hindu tradition of avoiding bad luck and sending oms to the Gods. In the Pakistani tradition, no such thing happens but as part of the general theme it looks decorous. Some of the girls will also dance using dandiya (decorated sticks).
Bands – The best friends of either side will also put a band on the brides/grooms wrist. The idea of marriage is about tying the knot, so the best friends are like, im with you all the way whilst this knot is being tied.
Scarves – During the Mendhi guests will also shroud the mother (and grandma) with a scarf. A scarf symbolises modesty which is an eloquent trait, so to show happiness, guests will use a scarf. It would be equivalent to handing over a bouquet of flowers.
Gharoli
The Night before the Baraat, the family will hold a Gharoli event where the Groom is prepared as a Mahraj (Bride Groom). The mother will begin by tying a turban around his head and shrouding him in a sparkly scarf. The sisters will then take him for a walk whilst taking turns to wave flowers (chatiyah) on his head and carry a water pot (khara) on their heads. The remainder of the family normally sing songs or drummers will be called to keep the momentum going.
The turban symbolises importance and leadership i.e indication that he’s the main man, and the scarf symbolises modesty (which was an elegant trait). Flowers are symbolic for happiness and joy so its why the sisters dangle flowers on their brothers head. Traditionally, the sister also prepared water for her brother, she would go to the well and fill up a pot (Khara) with water, this was a joyous act as she had the honour to prepare water for her brothers morning bath. This developed in to a trend and became symbolic, so now, most women will take turns to carry a Karah on their heads. On the following morning, the groom will take a bath using this water and drink any left over.
Once the Groom steps back in to the house, out of happiness, he normally gifts his sister with money.
The second part of this night involves the relatives presenting gifts to the Groom. The gifts will include clothes, jewellery and cologne. Its common for the extended family to also present gold rings for the Groom and his mother.
Bari – Normally on this night the mother will also showcase the Bari, this is a set of gifts for the Bride which include clothes, jewellery, homeware and toiletries. The idea behind this is to make the Bride feel welcomed and in place as soon as she arrives.
Daaj – This is a set of presents from the Brides family, it is usually homeware gifts for the couple for when buy their own place. From a mothers point of view, she wants to ensure the daughter is fully equipped with household goods for her new home.
Baraat
This is also another one of the major functions. The Baraat is the family, relatives and friends of the groom who make a procession (Janj) towards the brides home; essentially it is ‘the Groom taking his clan with him to pick up his Mrs’. Drummers will be present and fireworks will be set to create a hype. Traditionally, during some part of the procession a member of the Grooms family will stop the whole Baraat (Rokhana), direct them to their home and serve a light snack.
Once the Baraat reaches the venue the Grooms family will set a display of fireworks and accompanied by the rhythm of the dhol, dance away. The groom does not usually take part in the dancing.
On the other side of the fence, the Brides family will accept the Baraatis as guests so given a warm welcome; flower garlands and rose petals will be thrown upon the Janj as they walk in.
Dhood Pilai – At the entrance of the venue the Brides sisters will stop the Groom from entering until a sufficient amount of cash is given to them. The idea is, ‘you’re not taking our sister home so easily so pay up’, this can lead to bantering between the bride’s sisters and friends on one side and the groom’s brothers and friends on the other side. Once the Groom pays up, in return the sisters welcome him with a glass of Milk (Rasm-e-Dhood Pilai). Milk symbolises richness and purity- it was like champagne back in the days.
Once the Janj enter the venue, the Groom makes way to his Bride but before he can sit, he is stopped once again by the sisters who are requesting more money. After a continuance of bantering, the Groom pays them out and finally joins his bride.
Shaadi
Now that the Baraat is are here, the Brides Reception formally takes place. All her family and friends will be present wishing her well. The common theme on the Shaadi day is to wear very traditional clothes, so the Bride will wear a heavily embroidered dress in a rich red or a dark purple accompanied with gold jewellery, that the mother gifts her as part of the Daaj. The Groom will wear a sherwani with a turban, usually in a colour matching the Brides dress.
Shoe snatcher – As most couples didn’t know each other prior to the wedding, the sisters and friends will arrange games to break the ice, one example is stealing the Groom’s shoes and demanding sum of money for their return. The bantering and fun allows the couple to bond quicker.
Once the guests have been fed and the Bride has moral support from her extended family. The Bride will head back home so her family can see her off properly.
Churi – On the Grooms arrival to the Brides home, one of the sisters will bring along a plate of churi (buttered chappati) to feed the groom. The idea behind this is to signify that the Groom is always welcome and as the head-sister, she will happily cook for him- hence the feeding of the churi. Over the years, this has become a trend and also a game-like tradition. The sister will cover the plate of churi with another plate tightly, in return the Groom will attempt to move the plate out of the way. Once he succeeds, the sister feeds the Groom.
Rukhsati
As the evening comes to an end, the family prepare to send off the Bride, this becomes a very emotional scene as the daughter is moving from one family to another.
Rice – As the Bride walks towards the car with the Groom, the Bride will stop on her door step and throw rice over her head. Rice in Pakistan is a high source of nutrient so it symbolises wealth and efficiency. When the Bride throws the several grains behind her, she signifies that ‘she is leaving her mothers comfort and nurturing to enter in to a new family’.
Qu’ran – The Qur’an is also held over the Bride’s head as she walks from the Door to the car in order to bless and protect her- yet another oblivious tradition.
The Groom will then take her back to his parents home.
Welcome
As soon as the Bride arrives at the Groom’s house, the family will make her feel welcomed and cheer her up. The couple will start off by un-knotting each others bands that the friends put on them at the Mendhi.
Milk – One of the ice breakers the family will set up is where the couple have to fight for the hidden ring in a bowl of milk. I guess the idea is to get the couple accustomed to each others personal space.
Khara – Another game is where the women will also spin a khara (water pot) around the Grooms head several times and then drink from it. The groom will try to stop them from doing so.
Guthna Pakrai – This is where the youngest brother of the Groom sits on or holds the knee of the Bride. As he’s the baby brother, the Bride gives him a bit of pocket money. The idea makes sense as he’s her new baby brother too but it has become more of a trend- so the baby brother will demand money.
Suhaag Raat
Otherwise known as the golden night, this is where the couple engage in sexual intercourse for the first time. But, normally the couple will go to a hotel due to the thin walls at home. It’s been reported that some mothers will lay down white bedding to ensure intercourse has taken place and more importantly that she is a virgin! Yum.
Walima
The day everyone has been working towards, Its the Wedding Reception- the most extravagant event yet. It is also Sunnah to hold this event i.e publicly announce the marriage. There aren’t many traditions attached to the Walima, it will vary to suit the household, venue, timings, guest list, etc. The Groom normally opts for a formal Western suit or Tuxedo and the Bride will wear a dazzling dress with Jewellery provided by the Groom. Its common to see: several high end cars, a fully themed venue, four course meal, DJ, dance floor, bridesmaid, flower girls, bouquet for the bride, wedding cake and favour boxes.
Salami – As people go on to the stage, they will give salaam and congratulate the couple. Rather than going empty handed, most people dish out a tenner each for the Bride and Groom. But this has become a trend, it can become embarrassing to only give a certain amount or nothing at all.
Maklava
Traditionally, as marriages were arranged between people from different cities and villages, it often meant that the Bride was unfamiliar with her new family. To ease her into the new life and surroundings, she was brought back to her parents’ house on the Walima night to spend a few nights home.
Honeymoon
It has become common for couples to go on a honeymoon. A week away enjoying time with each other and ultimate privacy bonds the couple closer. On a side note- Morocco, Turkey and Egypt are extremely cheap to visit- ladies you’ll know what you’re worth.
Chauthi
The Brides parents host a dinner on the 4th day after the wedding for the immediate family members of the groom. Due to impracticalities, the first family dinner is held at other suitable times.
New couple
It is also customary for the friends and family of the couple to invite them over for dinner to formally accept them as a couple. Or with some families a huge after party is thrown.
Other customs
Based on the ethnic and geographical location of the families, weddings in Pakistan can vary. I have observed only 5 weddings. I may have missed some traditions out or not grasped the meaning of some fully. Please leave a comment below if you believe so. Here are some miscellaneous traditions:
Dastar Bandi – Elder men in the groom’s family place a turban on the Grooms head to formally include him in the ‘circle of men’.
Nehndra – Is a customary payment from guests towards the wedding, however it seems as though it’s code word for ‘here’s my cut for the food’.
Islamic Stance
The only requirement for Muslims to marry is signing a contractual document i.e the Nikkah ceremony- The Walima is a Sunnah and highly recommended act. You are also required to comply with the law of the land to ensure your marriage is accepted legally. This would mean the majority of the traditions listed above are not part of the Islamic tradition. Many people claim for this reason, these cultural additions should be avoided and marriage should be entirely Islamic to attain full blessings.
However, the Islamic stance on different cultures is that, they are to be embraced and respected so long as they don’t contradict Islamic teachings. Forced marriages have been prevalent in some areas in Pakistan, Islam completely condemns such marriages, so this culture among some families in Pakistan will be highly unislamic. The question now is whether the above traditions contradict Islam.
The general rule stands that if the act is haraam, then so will the tradition be i.e using a Bindi to ward off evil. Bollywood Music is prevalent at weddings, and as Muslims we know Music is haraam- but how much is music disliked over these traditions. I don’t want to give verdict on each tradition as I’m not a qualified scholar. For example ‘zabaan’- the purpose is to secure the ‘arrangement’. If families were to back out for trivial reasons it could raise feuds among families and major embarrassment so in Pakistani rural areas it was practical and reliable. But if the zabaan, becomes an extravagant tradition where money is spent unnecessarily, then its a waste.
Whereas an Engagement party- you can argue that it is unnecessary and wasteful. But I can see how a small get-to-together can become a party i.e family ties are important in Asian societies, so the parents will most likely invite their parent and siblings and the boy/girl themselves will want a few friends there for moral support. As this means, many people have gathered, the families will want to feed their guests so food will be made available. Already this becomes a small party but due to the circumstances not to be wasteful. I guess it depends on your intention. Those who do it to show off or are spend-thrifty are unfavoured by God. Even in the days of the Holy Prophet , marriage used to be preceded by a mutual understanding with the actual marriage taking place at a later stage.
To put things into perspective, at every western wedding there is cake. Many Asian people will also have cake at the wedding. This is a societal norm- Most of us will say its harmless and completes the occasion as cakes are eaten at times of joy. In the same way some of the traditions are harmless like the ‘Baree’ or ‘Dhood pilai’.
As long as you avoid the haraam acts listed in Islamic sources, avoid showing off, avoid high interest loans, avoid music and avoid being wasteful you’re good to go.
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I’ve recently started a site, the info you offer on this web site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work. “Yield not to evils, but attack all the more boldly.” by Virgil.
Dear Kashif,
You say it is not a requirement for the groom to pay the dowry immediately and at the same time you said, it is the right of the bride.
If by “dowry” you mean ‘Haq Mahar’ or just ‘Mahar’ then that means a brides gift. Dowry is the wrong word as many may interpret it as the Hindu and desi custom of dowry,where the brides family have to provide the groom and his family with every everything the want from furniture, to car, house, cash, jewelry etc.
In islam Mahar means the gift the groom gives his bride. Not only is it compulsory but it also has to be paid immediately and before consummation.
It seems like you haven’t read the Quran with translation like most desi muslims, because this is literally written in the Quran.
So there can be NO consummation/sexual intercourse or intimacy, until he pays the Mahar. So yes he does have to pay it immediately at Nikah.
Your writing on the indepth Pakistani wedding customs, while interesting, also shows not much role of islam. You didn’t acknowledge that in reality brides are not allowed to read their Nikah contract before signing it. Rather her guardian (Wali) usually her father or the cleric (Nikah khuwan) conducting the nikah will cross out or leave blank all the sections pertaining to the brides rights such as divorce (Talaq – not to be confused with Khula) and she is not given the opportunity to add any extra clauses like the right to work after marriage or continue/finish her studies etc. She is often handed only the page where her signature is needed. The others pages are withheld or just not discussed with her even though it is legally required in Pakistan of the clerics to inform the bride of her rights by going over each section with her before she signs it. Apparently brides claiming their Islamic and legal rights is dishonorable to the groom and her own family and equal.to causing a scene and being shameless for even thinking about divorce.
You then proceed to say that culture can be kept as long as it doesn’t conflict with religion. Well Pakistani culture is largely inherited and borrowed from Hindu culture, which is why we have Rukhsati (Baraat or as it’s called in India, Bidaai). This is an innovation and directly in conflict with islam which prohibits us from imitating the cultures of others. Then you talk about dance off between boys and girls during Dholki or such. So music is Haram but adult boys and girls dancing off is ok? Carrying the Quran over the brides head during Rukhsati is also a jahil tradition and innovation.
Most of the rituals are unislamic and Hindu in origin or just innovations. Including the milk drinking (Doodh Pilai) etc.
Also the ritual, where the baby brother in law grabs hold of the brides thigh or knee or whatever and she gives him some money is unislamic. You speak, as if she is always dealing with a toddler or child. In most cases her youngest brother in law will be an adult or at least in his teens. Also he is not her Mahram. So there should be no touching.
You also casually mention that the bride leaves with her husband to go and live with his parents and the first night is spent at a hotel due to “thin walls” as if that’s the most natural and normal thing on the world. Again, this too is a major Hindu tradition, which causes much pain, misery and suffering to the women, who are expected and forced to live in such an arrangement for the rest of their lives or until their inlaws pass. Don’t even get me started on the wife living with her Ghair-Mahram brothers in law when islam is clear, that that is Haram.
On top of that the wife is expected to cook, clean, serve and care for her inlaws. Basically she becomes a maid or rather a slave, as she isn’t paid for these services. It’s just her job as the daughter in law.
But in islam a wife is entitled to her own separate housing according to her husbands affordability. If he can’t afford a small modest home even if a rented portion or a flat, then he should not marry because again the Quran tells us marriage is recommended, but it is not obligatory, and that marriage is for those men who can afford it and do justice to their wife and give her her due rights. The joint family system which a woman living with her inlaws is called is another example of Hindu culture and has been created by patriarchal Hindu society in ancient by men to benefit men. After all, who wouldn’t like a 24 hours maid who you don’t have to pay. Sadly this only works if you are the husband (male). The wife and her parents can not demand joint family system and the wife usually has to get her mother in-laws permission to visit, talk to and call her own parents. Many women are denied visitation even when their parents are sick, dying or need care due to old age, are lonely and unable to care for themselves. The options are either she obeys her inlaws and husband, or she gets divorced. Never mind that in Islam a woman is not responsible for or answerable to her inlaws and doesn’t even have to see or visit them, if she doesn’t want to. Similar to how most Pakistani husbands behave with their inlaws. The wife is responsible for her own parents, her husband, the house of her husband and his children. Those are her responsibilities as a muslim wife, daughter and woman. Islam prohibits us from breaking ties with our family yet women are expected to abandon their own parents and adopt her husband’s s her new family, as if marriage means, you give up your parents and family.
A similar unislamic custom is Jahez which indians call Dowry. Another way of using the bride as a source of getting whatever the groom and his family want.
Not really Islamic when a husband can afford a lavish wedding, but not provide his wife with a seperate home, furniture, electronic equipment, car, motorcycle etc. One might ask, what the point is for a girl to marry and why her family thinks, married her off is more important than securing her dignity, future and safety. Girls are often viewed by their families as a burden which must married off asap.
While I appreciate your extensive knowledge of Pakistani wedding customs (which even I didn’t know), I would have preferred, if you also knew as much about islam, and why the two are not compatible. You also should be more honest in your portrayal of the brides and wife’s situation as women. Either you don’t know, which is not believable, if you live in Pakistan oe you just glossed over reality. I also appreciate the advice you gave some of the people asking above. Take care and all the best..
Dear Kashif,
You say it is not a requirement for the groom to pay the dowry immediately and at the same time you said, it is the right of the bride.
If by “dowry” you mean ‘Haq Mahar’ or just ‘Mahar’ then that means a brides gift. Dowry is the wrong word as many may interpret it as the Hindu and desi custom of dowry,where the brides family have to provide the groom and his family with every everything the want from furniture, to car, house, cash, jewelry etc.
In islam Mahar means the gift the groom gives his bride. Not only is it compulsory but it also has to be paid immediately and before consummation.
It seems like you haven’t read the Quran with translation like most desi muslims, because this is literally written in the Quran.
So there can be NO consummation/sexual intercourse or intimacy, until he pays the Mahar. So yes he does have to pay it immediately at Nikah.
Your writing on the indepth Pakistani wedding customs, while interesting, also shows not much role of islam. You didn’t acknowledge that in reality brides are not allowed to read their Nikah contract before signing it. Rather her guardian (Wali) usually her father or the cleric (Nikah khuwan) conducting the nikah will cross out or leave blank all the sections pertaining to the brides rights such as divorce (Talaq – not to be confused with Khula) and she is not given the opportunity to add any extra clauses like the right to work after marriage or continue/finish her studies etc. She is often handed only the page where her signature is needed. The others pages are withheld or just not discussed with her even though it is legally required in Pakistan of the clerics to inform the bride of her rights by going over each section with her before she signs it. Apparently brides claiming their Islamic and legal rights is dishonorable to the groom and her own family and equal.to causing a scene and being shameless for even thinking about divorce.
You then proceed to say that culture can be kept as long as it doesn’t conflict with religion. Well Pakistani culture is largely inherited and borrowed from Hindu culture, which is why we have Rukhsati (Baraat or as it’s called in India, Bidaai). This is an innovation and directly in conflict with islam which prohibits us from imitating the cultures of others. Then you talk about dance off between boys and girls during Dholki or such. So music is Haram but adult boys and girls dancing off is ok? Carrying the Quran over the brides head during Rukhsati is also a jahil tradition and innovation.
Most of the rituals are unislamic and Hindu in origin or just innovations. Including the milk drinking (Doodh Pilai) etc.
Also the ritual, where the baby brother in law grabs hold of the brides thigh or knee or whatever and she gives him some money is unislamic. You speak, as if she is always dealing with a toddler or child. In most cases her youngest brother in law will be an adult or at least in his teens. Also he is not her Mahram. So there should be no touching.
You also casually mention that the bride leaves with her husband to go and live with his parents and the first night is spent at a hotel due to “thin walls” as if that’s the most natural and normal thing on the world. Again, this too is a major Hindu tradition, which causes much pain, misery and suffering to the women, who are expected and forced to live in such an arrangement for the rest of their lives or until their inlaws pass. Don’t even get me started on the wife living with her Ghair-Mahram brothers in law when islam is clear, that that is Haram.
On top of that the wife is expected to cook, clean, serve and care for her inlaws. Basically she becomes a maid or rather a slave, as she isn’t paid for these services. It’s just her job as the daughter in law.
But in islam a wife is entitled to her own separate housing according to her husbands affordability. If he can’t afford a small modest home even if a rented portion or a flat, then he should not marry because again the Quran tells us marriage is recommended, but it is not obligatory, and that marriage is for those men who can afford it and do justice to their wife and give her her due rights. The joint family system which a woman living with her inlaws is called is another example of Hindu culture and has been created by patriarchal Hindu society in ancient by men to benefit men. After all, who wouldn’t like a 24 hours maid who you don’t have to pay. Sadly this only works if you are the husband (male). The wife and her parents can not demand joint family system and the wife usually has to get her mother in-laws permission to visit, talk to and call her own parents. Many women are denied visitation even when their parents are sick, dying or need care due to old age, are lonely and unable to care for themselves. The options are either she obeys her inlaws and husband, or she gets divorced. Never mind that in Islam a woman is not responsible for or answerable to her inlaws and doesn’t even have to see or visit them, if she doesn’t want to. Similar to how most Pakistani husbands behave with their inlaws. The wife is responsible for her own parents, her husband, the house of her husband and his children. Those are her responsibilities as a muslim wife, daughter and woman. Islam prohibits us from breaking ties with our family yet women are expected to abandon their own parents and adopt her husband’s s her new family, as if marriage means, you give up your parents and family.
A similar unislamic custom is Jahez which indians call Dowry. Another way of using the bride as a source of getting whatever the groom and his family want.
Not really Islamic when a husband can afford a lavish wedding, but not provide his wife with a seperate home, furniture, electronic equipment, car, motorcycle etc. One might ask, what the point is for a girl to marry and why her family thinks, married her off is more important than securing her dignity, future and safety. Girls are often viewed by their families as a burden which must married off asap.
While I appreciate your extensive knowledge of Pakistani wedding customs (which even I didn’t know), I would have preferred, if you also knew as much about islam, and why the two are not compatible. You also should be more honest in your portrayal of the brides and wife’s situation as women. Either you don’t know, which is not believable, if you live in Pakistan or if you just glossed over reality. I am sure you have good intentions though. I also appreciate the advice you gave some of the people asking above. Take care and all the best..
I love this but I don’t agree with the virgin bit. It should stay with man and wife not family members. Islam comes first. I definitely won’t be doing that
thankyou for share Pakistani Wedding Traditions
Right and agree with you thanks to Allah my father and mother side family has started a simple wedding for last 10 years. Function only has nikkah and wallima. And before wedding groom father and sisters specially do request to brides family no jaiz. Even there is no camera and video people are in wedding. Say everyone you have phone and camera take photos and later on share with each others.
yep you are right. Our wedding event is so much enjoyably
aha ! Such a informative site about Pakistani wedding. We are providing wedding services in all over the Pakistan if you want to search online your life partner according to your need and choice click on our site for more details
Pakistani traditional wedding is anti Islamic and wasting of money. Many people put their life saving investment in such stupid traditions and then cry for whole life. Islamic way of marriage far easy and simple. Due such expensive traditional ceremonies Youngs preffer sex with prostitute or girl friends rather following the sunnah. We as a society are responsible for such great sin
Lovely post. Thanks for sharing
TriHard 7
Do u know any of Indian Pakistani miah vali traditions before wedding
I absolutely love weddings
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And this is why I love my fiancé. We are nkt doing all of this. I am from the US and he is Pakistani. We are doing nondonomational marriage in the states until I convert (own free will). The best part his whole family supports us.
Good article, covers all information related to marriage customs in Pakistan.
Nice Article,
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Great article. Very informative. ThankYou
What are you people on making such a big issue on weddings when there are so ma y committing zinnah out there men and women
Muslims are being slaughtered just for being muslims. And here being debated is marriage
Its simple mathematics if your ready to marry you marry and spend what ever you can afford to. Have your wedding according to tour budget
Let me let you into a little secret those who complain too much are usually the ones that end up in shambles.
The rest allah knows best
Peace to all oh and happy marriage ?
This article is very good and I wish I would of found it before the engagement as I only knew what to expect from English, Irish and Islamic weddings. If only I researched this before I would never of married anyone Asian, especially since I am not Asian myself. I pity anyone Islamic having to put up with these kind of traditions
Western and Pakistani culture definitely clashes. Marriages that work seem to be by people who are open minded, not so cultural and respecting of the other.
Chill looser
I’m a revert who married into a Pakistani family and I’ve been forced to wait 10 months for my wife to move in after the nikah, had to waste thousands on a fake walimah (after 10 days it’s not a walima, just a after party). For whole 10 months we were not allowed to be alone at all as if we were only engaged. Finally after 10 months da rukhsati where she slept at mine only to go back her parents first thing in morning to tart herself up for her glair mehrams to photograph her b4 common back last thing at night just to wash of her makeup an fake lashes an fancy dress the second no one is around to take a photo, of course she would never spend anywhere ne’er as much money or time adorning herself for her husband as proven by 10 months of granny buns and black abayas without colour indoors an of course not a spec of makeup except wen going out wiv her family without me, coloured eye contacts an all. She invites people over to stay from day 1 with no consideration of privacy for at least 1 week only to go off an stay with her family another week. Of course to make matters worse she even moved in only 4 days before she started her period. My point is simply that Pakistani traditions hav just put my nikah on the edge of divorce from the get go.
Assalam Alay Kum brother, that is some very sad news.
Part of the Nikkah is the intention or legal consummation. However many Pakistani families will not allow their daughter to spend time with her husband till she had officially left her house. This should have been discussed beforehand.
Divorce should always be last on the list. It’s very easy to make this choice. But it’s not the first choice for the Muslims.
I would suggest a sit down, either over dinner or spontaneous. Ask her ‘What’s is it you want from this relationship?’ From there, you need to find a compromise.
In relation to ‘dolling up’, it’s best this advice come from her islamic friends or you show her a lecture on marriage that mentions this. Find something that mentions it but so she doesn’t know you want her to specifically hear that bit.
But, normally the couple will go to a hotel due to the thin walls at home.
Very informative…thank you
That was very useful and insightful thanks for the translations
Very good read ,
Wow very detailed even mentioned the sick ritual some parents do of the bed sheets. The wedding should be simple. If you did the full works and it ended in divorce well you have wasted a lot of £.
Sorry but no girl in pakistan is concider a princess.
I know right! People don’t understand that the girl struggles the most when getting marred
Really enjoyed reading this article. .many thanks..very informative ☺
You said that your intention was to also shed light on the boundaries of culture and religion within Pakistani traditions of marriage. You failed to mention the biggest, boldest boundary crossed by this culture in terms of Islamic sanctity….the bride being taken to the groom’s house. The bride, according to Islam is supposed to be taken from her parent’s house straight to her own house with her husband. This is highly stressed in the Hadith, the only exception to this is if the groom can not by any means afford a house and must live and save with his parents. But that doesn’t seem to be the case, because the wedding seems lavish and costly. It is 100% against Islam to spend lavishly on unnecessary wedding ceremonies when god clearly said “the most blessed weddings are ones that cost the least” and then not providing your bride with a house that god clearly stated was her right, unless she waivers her right, which she would have to sign off to during her Nikah agreement, you can not take her to live with your parents when you had the money to afford your own place. Also, if the groom has any male relatives such as his brothers living with him that are of puberty age, it is actually completely forbidden all together that he take his bride there as he would be putting his wife into a home of non mahram residents, she can not (according to Islam) even forfeit this right as in living with his parents, this would be zero tolerance against Islam. This article brought to light how different culture and religion really are, even in a country that is said to be 98% Muslim….I would have to argue that the central focal point was not at all Islamic.
Thank you very much for all the effort you put in to come up with this article. I am a Muslim Iraqi and my partner is Pakistani, the difference in our culture had brought so much unhappy moments for us. He is a poor guy but a very good Muslim, very caring very gentile and hard working man. He would starve and feed me if he has to. I am not shy or ashamed to say that I love him so much and find in him what i always dreamed about in a husband. He loves me so much and it is very hard on him the thought that he has to provide so much to be able to have me as a wife. In the Iraqi culture dowry is an important matter, but he can’t afford much. He is trying to buy a house and have a nice place for us and for our future kids InshaAllah. He said he can provide a ring and whatever needed for the wedding. I don’t care about these things but my family wants me to have what they think i deserve, meaning having all the cultural stuff from dowry, gold and nice wedding. I think the Islamic way is the way everyone should practice, because marriage is about love and mercy…. Do you have any advice for me on what should I do? I will greatly appreciate it . Thank you
Hi, thats touching. Yes, Islamically its not required to go all glam, but dowry is the right of the wife/family. Its not a requirement for him to pay it straight away, but some payment is generally good. Your family are right in asking for some dowry, but if he’s poor then he should give you something accordingly, and if so, pay you over time. Most people I know pay about £5000
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Thanks very much I enjoyed reading this information Ito helped me to understand much more that I thought I did already
Thank you very much . This helped me out a lot
Very informative. I was searching about Pakistani weddings because I’m writing s story about an Indian girl and a Pakistani boy.
Pakistani weddings are very similar to Indian Muslim weddings 🙂
Thank you ☺
Can you please share the story, would be good to read 😀
I shared, thanks .
I have been with my partner for 7yrs now who is a Muslim. We love each other very much but unfortunately he’s family disaprove of me .
Just before we met ,a marriage was arranged for him and he did get married but the marriage only lasted a few weeks. He didn’t want to get married.
I worry all the time now that maybe he will be forced to marry again even more so because he’s father hates me and always and dows not want him with me, My partner promises he won’t do anything to hurt me but I’m always scare
It’s on Wattpad. Title of the story is ‘Love and Second Chances’ ?
SO MANY EVENTS! How dose a family manage all the costs?
Usually a combination of savings from the couple, the parents and siblings. Or some take a loan from close friends. If a wedding ceremony is beyond a Muslims means then he is advised to not go there…
Are Muslim men allowed to wear a turban at their wedding?
Yes. try not to make it like how Sikhs wear it.
I think its ok to enjoy you wedding since you only do it once unless you’re after some red passport
I have never witness a Pakistan wedding before but sounds interesting
Really enjoyed this read!
. i aint getting married anytime soon.. however the article was quite interesting to say the least
Very interesting.
Aaaaah this is why Asian weddings go on for so long!
I have never witness a Pakistan wedding before but sounds interesting
Make him feel special and let him know that you love him for who he really is and not for that you want him to turn out to be. This is a very common mistake that almost all women make when compared to admit I’m guilty of a! We treat our men as projects we all have this stern idea in our heads on how we want the relationship to be, how you should be treated and even worst exactly how to we want our man to ideally. It’s OK to live by certain standards about to not advising you to be for when compared with what you deserve but at least be useful. That dreamy guy you see the actual movies isn’t real! Are rarely getting into rapport with somebody hoping that he will change for anyone. You’ll end up being disappointed ultimately and that leaves you both frustrated. Love the person for who they really are and that’s all genuine effort to it.
I think we pakistanis go to far when it comes to weddings, we need to save the money for a new hosue.
Wow so many events in asian wedding I love the colours and brides!!!
This is so true, wedding should be simple and elegant
Piece of writing writing is also a fun, if you know afterward you can write or else
it is complex to write.