How to handle Kids

How to handle kids

In our calm moments, if we’re honest, we know that we could handle any parenting moment, but in the storm of our anger, we feel righteously entitled to our fury. How can this kid be so irresponsible, inconsiderate, ungrateful? As parents/carers we need to work to respond rather than react to situations.

They say it takes a whole community to raise a child, that it takes more than one person to teach a child the ways of life. Different experiences and life-changing circumstances often mould the child. More often than not the child is taught by someone else the rights and wrongs. So use the advantage of well-respected neighbours and aunts & uncles who have a distinct authority over the child. There is a discrete relationship between them and parents – children feel they are being told off by parents, so close up and defend themselves but when someone out of the family who they also respect and see as an authoritative figure, they have no reason to suspect that they are putting them down so tend to listen more.

It’s not about changing who your child is, Its about transforming them. Children are either born with defective traits or its part of their personality and sometimes because of nurturing. Therefore, its always beneficial to look at it as transforming ur child than changing who they are. Also, It’s their character, attitude and outlook you need to direct, not their personality and interests.
Behaviour You’d Like To Resolve:

My child is very Spoilt
My child is an Attention Seeker
My child has Tantrums
My child is very Greedy
My child is very Attention seeking
My child is cries alot
My child bullies others
My child swears alot
My child has tantrums always
My child is very stubborn

If you would like me to look at other behavioural aspects in children, leave a comment below.
Check out this exclusive post on Punishment Vs Discipline

 

My child is very spoilt

The Signs

  • They resort to crying or yelling when they want something.
  • They throw themselves on floor and won’t get up.
  • They constantly throw tantrums or even hit you when you punish them.
  • They ignore you when you ask a question.
  • They are rude to other adults and even to other children.
  • They refuse to share with other children.
  • They are show-offs and are constantly trying to one-up their peers to be the center of attention.
  • They always want whatever everyone else has. Once they have it, they want something new.
  • They keep a messy room and never help out around the house despite your pleas for them to do so.
  • They refuse to go to bed.

The Remedy

Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world, you don’t always get what you want. You will be better able to deal with that as an adult if you’ve experienced it as a child. If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods, your child won’t have the chance to experience unconditional love.

Be a good role model. “We’re not the only influence in our kids’ lives, so we better be the best influence,” says Dr. Phil.

Be careful that you aren’t teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall. Commit yourself wholeheartedly to stop spoiling your children. For example, a parent who wants a child to start cleaning his room has to make sure that the job gets done right. “If they pick up one crayon and a piece of clothing and that’s it, it isn’t going to work,” he says. A 10-year-old spoiled child does not need 10 years of reversal. Kids are smart and resilient and they want to grow right, so it’s generally not too late.

Replace empty threats with clear, calm, concise instructions. “Kids hear their parents say, ‘stop, no, it’s the last time.’ All the screaming and the counting to three and the threats — we have trained them to ignore us for 11 hours because they know that in the 12th hour, they’re going to get their way,” Bromfield says. “I tell parents to say what you mean. If you just say the words and say what’s going to happen and stick to it, that’s what has the power — the consequence. You don’t even have to yell.” Also, avoid the trap of over-explaining or haggling endlessly over routine matters, such as tooth-brushing, turning off the video game, or bedtime. Your child will only argue with you like a pint-sized lawyer, Bromfield says. Think about it, he says: Does your 11-year-old son really need hundreds of nightly reminders about the benefits of dental hygiene if he’s smart enough to memorize 493 species of Pokemon?

Provide consistent discipline and consequences. Does he refuse to [pick] up his toys? Put them all away for a few days, period.” At first, your child may whine and cry, but don’t give in to tantrums. “Children need to grow used to handling reasonable limits without feeling devastated, rejected, and unloved. Ignore the child if it has tantrums. Most times children like this are prone to having temper tantrums if they don’t get what they want. If the child does, just stand there and watch but don’t give in. Sometimes (if you’re lucky) they will see how foolish they are and stop.

One way to teach children boundaries, he says, is to actually give them choices, beginning at 18 months old — the age when people are capable of making simple decisions about right and wrong. Choices may involve things like “Do you want orange juice or tomato juice?” or “Do you want to wear this outfit or that one?” Give your child various responsibilities and chores; present them as opportunities to earn the things that he wants. Your child is more likely to appreciate his toys, games and electronics if he works to earn them on his own. A chore chart or using an allowance system helps your child learn that nothing is gained without effort. Consider rewarding your toddler with activities — like extra stories at bedtime this week or an extra-long trip to the park — rather than objects, so he doesn’t automatically equate rewards with material things.

My child attention seeks

The Signs

  • Addicted to Attention – Always seek it
  • They resort to crying or yelling when theywant something.
  • the most special child in the universe

The Remedy

The child needs all your attention, or to be the center of attention, and can’t stand to not be entertained. Parents have lavished the child with all the love, attention, time, and caring humanly possible, and now look what’s happened! But some do have a legitimate need. Studies shows the average parent gives only 5minutes of uninterrupted attention to their 5 year old. Some children are innately attention seekers, they desperately crave it, to us we think of them as attention seekers but theres an inner cry that may never be answered to its fullest.

The more attention a child wants, the more hugs he’s in need. So your job is to remind the child just because you re not hugging as much or not giving the same attention you were a few months ago, it does not mean you hate them.

Give attention for appropriate behavior. Look for opportunities to make a positive comment, to pat a child on the shoulder and to have a conversation. Show them it takes good credible behaviour for people to respect and notice them. Ignore any bad behaviour, the benefit of ignoring is that your son will learn that positive behavior has a powerful pay-off. Saying that be consistent. It’s the only way children know we mean what we say.

Set aside special time. Even 10 mins of pure attention, work out what they want from you, whats been happening in the day. Make sue you don’t leave without them without them bing content, you may need to catch up on 1 month of hugs!

The children seek attention coz they need it desperately. You need to challenge that and make them feel that you are present and paying attention.

My child has tantrums

The Signs

  • The child has random hissy fits
  • Crying and moan in the most unexpected places without remorse or shame

The Remedy

The only people who find temper tantrums amusing are a child’s grandparents because it’s finally payback time as they watch their grown children struggle helplessly with their own little monsters. Unfortunately, tantrums are a fact of life for anyone with young children. They usually start before age two, when children experiment with different ways to communicate with others and to get what they want. Tantrums become more infrequent around age four, but some children continue to “throw fits” for years after that—even into adulthood (spoilt bratty women).
Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child’s temper tantrum. Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.

Remember that your child’s tantrum is NOT necessarily a way to “get his way”, but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems! Studies show The lack of a place to nap is a common cause of tantrums (Ever notice the amount of kids having them at 3pm, blood sugar level drops. Give them a snack.

Do not reward the tantrum. If the parents give in, tantrums become a launching point for the child—a way to deal with the world socially. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by tantrums, your child will continue to use them long past the age when they would otherwise cease.

Explain to the child that you will talk to him or her when he or she calms down. This will help your child to understand that you are ignoring her because her behavior is unacceptable, not because you don’t care about her. When the child calms down, fulfill your part of the bargain by discussing the tantrum and the child’s concerns

A lot of the time it is a tantrum based on emotions, not reasoning. If the child throws is certain circumstances then look for ways to control it specifically, say to him, If YOU manage to behave and stay quite you will get some flavoured gum. Look at him in the eyes. Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum, especially in a public place. Give him or her time to vent. Instead, give the child phrases to express the emotions that they are experiencing. Say phrases like, “You must be really tired after such a long day,” or, “You must feel frustrated that you can’t have what you want right now.” This not only will help the child verbalize this later, but shows empathy for their feelings without having to give in. Explain that the behavior is unacceptable, but also make sure your child understands that you love him or her regardless. Try to discover the cause of the tantrum if you haven’t already, and take the opportunity to discuss better alternatives with your child.

So the main aim is to teach your child tantrums won’t give them attention but only annoyed parents.

 

My child is very Greedy

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

My child is very Attention seeking

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

My child is Crys alot

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

My child bullies others

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

My child swears alot

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

My child has tantrums always

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

My child is very stubborn

Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of “de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum” (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..”, comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

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