What is love
Love is a special and complicated emotion which can be difficult to understand. Most people believe that love revolves around the heart but more modernists are starting to postulate it actually occurs in the brain. Here’s a list of possible theories/explanations that I’ve come up with:
Love does not exist, It’s all chemicals within the body. As soon as you see someone attractive, the dopamine hormone goes wild and before you know it, you want to experience that feeling again, you start to believe you’re in love. But, as soon as that spark goes, the love ceases – and the cycle continues.
The need for love is a psychological function within us, that only exists so that we can grow as individuals and be empowered. If someone loves us and cares, we feel good and at peace – the attention factor is met. If we love others & make a difference to their life – the purpose (of life) factor is met. However, as this is to do with individualistic growth, when the partner’s presence doesn’t meet our psychological needs any more, we seek comfort from someone new. In other words we cheat, we find someone that brings someth
ing new to our life and the cycle continues. Or sometimes our moral conscious takes heed and we feel empathetic towards the partner, we sacrifice our needs so that they can fully cherish their needs.
Humans are animalistic, deep down, sex is the biggest pleasure some people increase that pleasure with sex toys they get at a אביזרי מין store. As we can’t just sleep with any other person, evolution has developed this sense of (false) love among humans that makes it easier (and acceptable) to get hitched. Then you end up having children so stick with that partner (or less so in recent times).
Its a sociological concept where we all have an instinctive desire to be known and cherished. From a young age, we see love among our parents, on the TV and even from two random people going at each other on the bus. We see these people happy and content – they seem stable and respected – so we want the same. The idea of love is drilled in to us so much so that in order to be happy you’ve got to have a partner and be in love. Through this process, some people realise that love is over-rated but its too late to go back.
It’s more than physical pleasure, it’s a spiritual connection. A bit like two-pieces of jigsaw. You seek and find the one that fits your piece. Then you love them dearly. Souls connect even though minds may not.
Maybe love is a biological function that only exists so that we start breeding. You magically are drawn to someone hot then one thing leads to another and nature has its way in keeping the human race continuing and evolving.
Love is unexplainable. When you’re in love you’re in mad deep love. You’ll do whatever it takes to attract that person then you’ll put them first and make sure every breath of theirs is spent in happiness. You don’t know why you do it, but you just do. A bit like Romeo and Juliet. Their looks don’t matter.
Maybe it is an absence within you that you long for to be filled. When you meet a person, they seem to fill the gap. And without them you feel empty and broke again. But as soon as the absence is filled for some time you forget, so for you to remember that you are in love – you need to feel the absence. He needs to wander off to work for several days.
Or maybe love does exists, but it takes time to know whether if it’s love or mere attraction. You’ll only really know after a good ten years of being together & going through thick and thin. The love is based on action not words. cup of tea
Cup of Tea
Everyone has their own cup of tea. Love is like that- its different for everyone. We are attracted and get attached to different thing. From looks to intelligence to success to character.
Love is for God alone. Whether you believe in God or not, we all have someone who we look up too, for many its God. The rest is a connection and a means to reach him. You love humans/society to be able to work together and enable strong civilisation. You love your parents as they brought you up. You love your wife to eventually continue the human race. and So forth.
Types of Love
The Ancient Greeks came up with four terms (Eros, storge, agape and philia) to symbolize the four types of love among humans.
This is an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of their flaws, shortcomings or faults. Your love for that person is demonstrated by your behavior towards another person. Although you may not like someone, you decide to love them just as a human being. You dont look for anything in return. It is chosen love. Its the type of love that everyone strives to have for their fellow human beings.
The phileo love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It’s the kind of love which livens up the Agape love. Although you may have an agape love for your fellow colleagues, you may not have a phileo love for the same people. It is how you feel about someone – which can based on their intersts, opinions, lifestyle, etc.
It is a kind of family love. This is the love that parents naturally feel for their children; or the love that best friends may have for each other. Storge love is unconditional, accepts flaws or faults and ultimately drives you to forgive. Its committed, sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe.
Eros is an emotional love that arouses romantic feelings; it triggers“high”levels of dopamine and makes you say, ‘I love him/her’. This does not last long unless it moves a notch higher because it focuses more on self instead of the other person. If the person “in love” does not feel good about their relationship anymore, they will stop loving their partner. This is a love a couple want to achieve.
Here’s something the Greek were never accustomed to though: Islamic Love. This form of love is unique as its based on unconditional love. For Muslims its too love your brother more than yourself, So for whatever is desired by you you should wish that for the one next to you.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.”
This is a higher form of love, this sacrifices ones needs, suppresses ones desires in order to put a smile on his brothers face (who he may have never met before). For the Muslim this is all done to attain nearness to his creator, as he knows its only in his name he will experience true love – Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find tranquillity (Qur’an 13: 28). Check out this video by Sh Hamza Yusuf on love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls_eQXGlXNA
I was a hidden treasure and I loved to be known so I created heaven and earth that I may be known.
Signs of being in Love
How do you know if you’re love? Gain some insight by considering these research-based signs of love and attachment.
- You’re addicted to this person. You have feelings toiwards the person. There’s even some hint of activity in the anterior cingulate, the area of the brain linked to obsessive thinking, which is a classic experience when people are falling in love (Aron, Fisher, Mashek, Strong, & Brown, 2005).
- You really want your friends or family to like this person. New evidence shows that people are often motivated to “marshal support” for someone they are dating (Patrick & Faw, 2014), which is consistent with the idea that the people in a person’s social circle often play an important role in the success of a relationship (Sprecher, 2011). Being attuned to how your family and friends might think about your partner or potential partner is a good sign that you are becoming increasingly attached to the person.
- You celebrate this person’s triumphs (even when you yourself fail). If you’ve fallen in love with someone, you probably have an atypical reaction when witnessing them excelling at something you don’t. Because romantic partners feel connected and can share the outcomes of each other’s successes, romantic partners will often fe
el pride and positive emotions when they see their partner succeed, even at something they themselves can’t do, rather than feeling negative and inferior (Lockwood & Pinkus, 2014).
- You really miss this person when you’re apart. In many ways, how much you miss a person reflects how interdependent your lives have become. If you are questioning whether you love someone, perhaps consider how much you miss him or her when you’re apart. Le and colleagues (2008) showed that how much people miss each other tends to correspond with how committed they feel to the relationship. Your sense of self has grown through knowing this person.When people fall in love, their whole sense of self changes. They take on new traits and characteristics, growing in the diversity of their self-concept through the influence of their new relationship partner (Aron, Paris, & Aron, 1995).
- You get jealous—but not suspicious. A certain amount of jealousy is actually healthy, not toxic. From an evolutionary perspective, jealousy is an adaptation that helps relationships stay intact by making its members sensitive to potential threats. People who are jealous tend to be more committed to relationships (Rydell, McConnell, & Bringle, 2004). Keep the jealousy in check, though: Reactive or emotional jealousy is the type that is predicted by positive relationship factors like dependency and trust—but people who engage in suspicious jealousy, which includes taking actions like secretly checking a partner’s cellphone, means chronic insecurity true love has not been established (Rydell & Bringle, 2007). Your doubt will not let you fall in love.
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